Waiting

So God's been teaching me lately about waiting on Him. Sometimes there are things in our lives that seem so big and impossible to our feeble, human minds. I've been reminded recently, however, that our God is One who delights in accomplishing the impossible. He is perfectly able to accomplish more than I could ever ask or imagine. The best that I could imagine for my life looks trivial and ridiculous next to God's best for me. And as my perfect Heavenly Father, He cannot wait to give me His best. He has challenged me recently that His best is so worth the wait.

All of these things were confirmed again to me on Monday when I went to our ladies' Bible study. We've been going through the book of Exodus, and as the Israelites have wandered along on their journey, I feel myself wandering with them. I can identify with their constant struggle to trust in God's provision for them, despite the many miraculous times He'd brought them through before. Well this week we talked about the time when Moses journeyed up Mt. Sinai to meet with God. The people thought Moses would be gone for a day or so... but after 40 days, he was still not back at the camp. The people waited for 40 days without a leader, and they fretted. They grew anxious. They wanted something tangible to hold on to, some kind of security or comfort. Their lack of trust in God led them to make for themselves and idol to worship alongside the One True God. God wouldn't stand for it. He alone is God. They were punished severely for their idolatry.

In this season of my life, I am facing a lot of new choices. I'm looking ahead to the future and longing for guidance and provision. Waiting is hard work. However, God has challenged me through this story and other things, that I should not be willing to settle. I should not give in to the desire to "help God out" or "move things along" the way I think they should happen. Like Moses, I want to cry out to God and say "If you do not go with us, we will not move up from here." I will not move until you move. I will not take matters into my own hands, even when it seems like it will never happen. I will trust you Jesus. You will answer.

So I am waiting for His clear promptings. I'm waiting for His answers for my life. I do not want to hold on to my own ideas of what is right. I'm waiting for His. The Israelites had to wait for 40 days, and they turned back to their own manmade comfort and securities. I was prompted to declare for myself my own 40 days of waiting. For these 40 days I am daily declaring to Jesus that I trust Him and I'm willing to actively wait on His leading in my life. I tell him each day that His plans are greater than mine, and that I will not move up from here unless He goes with me. I'm not sure what to expect, but I rejoice- knowing that He is hearing my prayers and they are already accomplished in His name. I am excited to see what He brings around the corner.

Take My Yoke

So it's been tough to abide by my own limitations lately. I was getting restless the other day- frustrated that this one-armedness is slowing me down from my normal pace of life. In trying to go about life as normal, I actually hurt myself more. I tried sleeping without the sling, and in doing so, pulled either a muscle or tendon in my upper arm/shoulder area. Later that day, I was on my way to meet my roommate and her mom who is visiting, and I stumbled over a tree branch. When my shoulders tensed up in preparation for a possible fall, the already strained muscle tore and sent a shooting pain through the arm. Because it's already in a sling, I don't feel it much now. But I realize that my restlessness is causing me to see my arm as a burden that is holding me back. Well let me show you the devotion God sent my way this morning:

"In order to receive any benefit from our captivity, we must accept the situation and be determined to make the best of it. Worrying over what we have lost or what has been taken from us will not make things better but will only prevent us from improving what remains. We will only serve to make the rope around us tighter if we rebel against it.

In the same way, an excitable horse that will not calmly submit to its bridle only strangles itself. And a high-spirited animal that is restless in its yoke only bruises its own shoulders."

Wow, a little close to home. I am reminded not to see this immobile arm as a cumbersome burden to carry, but God's gentle yoke to lift. It is to steer me, to guide me, and to push me into a loving dependence on Him. The devotion goes on to say:

"No calamity will ever bring only evil to us, if we will immediately take it to God in fervent prayer. Even as we take shelter beneath a tree during a downpour of rain, we may unexpectedly find fruit on its branches."

-Streams in the Desert

Lord, somehow use this immobile arm for your glory. Refine me, shape me, and use it. Yours be the Kingdom, and the Power and the Glory forever! Amen.

One-Armed Bandit

I'm typing this with one hand now. It's not as easy as one might imagine. Takes at least twice as long. In fact, typing isn't the only challenge for me in recent days. My roommate calls me the "One-armed Bandit." Every day is a new challenge- a new opportunity to practice my problem solving skills. Today's challenge: shave your right armpit with your right hand. Done. :) It's amazing how one day can change the way you live life.

These challenges have risen up due to an accident I had this past Saturday at a youth event with which I was helping- a silly, quite needless accident really. I had other plans that day. I was going to help a friend prepare for a costume party she was having at her house later, but they didn't have enough leaders going on the outing. My friend and I decided we could go along in the morning and leave early. It was a broomball game- played like ice hockey only with brooms and tennis shoes. It all happened quite fast- a very uncomplicated accident really. I ran out onto the ice in my brand new running shoes, and I played for about 30 seconds before I got a little too ambitious. My feet slipped from underneath me and I fell with all my weight on my left elbow- snapping it.

My friend drove me to the hospital and our day's plans began dissolving as we spent the day getting an x-ray and consulting a doctor. The x-ray showed a fracture- a clean break from the outside of the elbow to the ball of the joint. I started preparing myself for 6 weeks in a cast or sling when the doctor announced that it required surgery. I'm not gonna lie. It threw me for a loop. A cast I could imagine, but a surgery? In an Egyptian hospital, away from all my family, really? He explained that if we just put it in a cast it would heal unevenly and cause rubbing and scraping in the joints later in life. A plate/pin would be required to hold it in place.

We scheduled the surgery for 11pm and went back to prepare for a thrown-together party and to sort out my insurance. I couldn't eat or drink anything because of the upcoming procedure, and I was starting to get nervous.

My boss drove me to the hospital at 11pm, and they told me they'd moved the surgery to 9am the next morning due to emergency operation patients that had come. I would have to stay in the hospital overnight. My boss couldn't stay with me, but she promised she'd send someone to be with me through the surgery in the morning.. As she left that night and I found myself alone in an empty, bleak hospital room in a foreign country with nurses and staff who didn't speak my language, I finally cried out my nervous, locked-away emotions from the day and found peace again in knowing His presence. A friend texted me that night with this verse.

Joshua 1:9~ "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I knew this was the Lord beginning to answer my prayer that I've been praying now on a daily basis: to identify with Jesus in His suffering, so that I might become more like Him. And I had a choice now whether or not I would trust Him now in the middle of that suffering. He promised me that night that He would go with me- even into the operating room.

He did go with me. I went to sleep in His presence, and I woke up in His presence. And He has allowed me to see good in the situation. Re-learning to live life with just one good arm hasn't been easy, but I can honestly say it is good for me to practice "suffering" in His name. My prayer in the hospital that night before surgery was that God will somehow use this one-armed bandit to glorify His name and to magnify it in my day-to-day life.